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Does this signal the end for real-life estate agents?

Just when estate agencies across the UK thought it couldn’t get worse, a plan by a secretive Proptech billionaire Proptech have been leaked to the press.

We have been provided with a secret copy of a news release from Cayman Island-based company, called Robotic Revolution (RR).

The release, which was due to be announced tomorrow, stated that the Footsy listed company is aiming to change the face of how homes are bought and sold.

It said: ‘We will be bringing disruptive, innovative and game-changing automation machines to the UK which are designed to reduce the roles and risks of flawed humans involved in property transactions.’

Our understanding of the statement and subsequent private emails we’ve accessed is that RR aims to eradicate the role of estate agents by up to 75 per cent by 2022, by replacing them with – robots.

Missing from the news release were mysterious Yorkshire Billionaire Adola Etish’s hacked email comments below about his ‘robot agent army’.

Etish, who ironically made his fortune in gardening tools and then hedge funds, said: “Due to the outbreak of the Coronavirus people will soon be even more scared of meeting estate agents.

“This is the perfect time to launch our product. Our robots come in all different shades of silver, can be programmed with regional accents and you can even mute them if they are waffling too much.

“They will all be sanitised and washed daily. You will not have to train them, discipline them or drug test them. One thing I can tell you about robots is that they aren’t dossers.

“We will make them available 24-7 to our clients. Our business model is firstly to sell the robots to unscrupulous corporate agencies who only care about the bottom line and get rid of staff at the drop of a hat. Then when the greedy bosses are hooked, we will up the ante by introducing Android Agents, which look just like humans, and start charging them ridiculously high fees and make jaw-dropping profits for our shareholders.”

Straight talking, Estate agency industry legend, Terry ‘No bullsh*t’ Bryans, who once owned a single office agency in Monken Hadley, said: “This is terrible news for the industry. It’s not as if we haven’t had enough threats with Brexit uncertainty, Rightmove treating us like Dickensian beggars and the Coronavirus. Now we have a bunch of Metal Mickeys and Marys coming over here taking our jobs. Well, let’s see how they cope with an 11-person chain, stroppy solicitors and student lets.”

His feelings were echoed by the man described as the Guru of all gurus and once voted Guru of the Decade, South East region, by industry award panel, the Jestas, Danny Dinkle. He said: “If these robot agents do take over it’ll be the end for all of us. Well, apart from me, because I’m a trainer and I’ll be pitching for the gig to equip these robots with the best lines of patter and how to negotiate even if their batteries are running low.”

The official date for the launch of Robot Agent has now been put on hold thanks to this article.

This breaking story will be updated. More to follow.

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